On Sat, Nov 1, 2008 at 6:49 AM, son writes father
On Sat, Nov 1, 2008 at 7:13 AM, father writes son
On Sat, Nov 1, 2008 at 7:42 PM, father writes son
What ‘it’ happened to you?
On Sun, Nov 2, 2008 at 4:38 PM, son writes father
On Friday/Halloween, on the same day that my transpersonal psychology class focused on “altered states,” I was invited to take part in this strange neo-shamanistic DMT ritual. DMT is the same chemical that is the active ingredient in ayahuasca, but in this case was in a much more concentrated form. It’s the same chemical that heavily floods the brain both at birth and death, and also in dreams.
I dont want to try to label or explain the experience too much, but it was definitely one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life. I’ve done hallucinogens before, and have experienced altered/more opened perception, but with DMT it is much more than a mere “perception shift.” One is literally blasted off into an entirely different dimension. The most incredible part is that its a place that is as real as any.
As it hit me the world became this luminous interconnected field that appeared slightly pixelated and covered in what looked like rapidly moving aztec writing. There were little light sparks coming off of and moving through everything. The thangka paintings in the room came alive and were 3-dimensional and glowing. As I closed my eyes I felt myself both dying and being born, and was staring into an infinity that looked like galaxy sized waves of stained-glass spiderwebs. Yet as far into this other dimension as I went, I was still totally conscious and aware, fully witnessing. As I listened to the beats we had playing I noticed that my mind was controlling the music. I was aware that music was on but what I was hearing was not what was being played: my brain was moving all the sounds around and creating this intense divine frequency that was moving at the speed of my thoughts, reflecting them.
As I began to come back to this reality, a vision of you entered my mind. I felt this tremendous feeling that you, whether knowingly or not, have been waiting for me to have an experience like this, to see what I saw, to go where I went. Hence, “it happened.” After I was back my only drive was to send you those two words. There was a sense of accomplishment like I had crossed a very important finish line that I hadn’t known was there. I hope this doesn’t sound too strange, but it felt very important that I had this experience while you are still alive, that it somehow would have been very karmically tragic if i hadn’t.
Anyway, thats that. Obviously with any experience like this, particularly one so intense that went so unfathomably far, it is important to not grasp and try to hold onto it. I’ve been meditating a lot since, letting it all go.
I love you dad
Sun, Nov 2, 2008 at 5:20 PM, father writes son
I love you so very much..I intuited that something like this happened, and was the “”it” you referred to. Good for you. It changes everything doesn’t it? and at the same time nothing has changed, just the doors of perception have been opened (or blown off their hinges more like it)
This was indeed experienced by me, very similar, Halloween night in 1970. I was 19 years old, same pixellated luminous reality, same constant simultaneous experience of birth and death. Only I was not as prepared as you were, so i found much of it terrifying. I did not have the perspective of dharma to rely on. In the aftermath I both knew that I had seen a deeper level of reality, but on an emotional level I was burned, not knowing about emptiness or the illusory nature of experience. Without the support of the three jewels, i thought i had lost my “soul”, which i guess i did in a way (I just wasn’t prepared to understand I never had one to begin with!) It was not till I met the Vidyadhara that I began to find the courage, by his example, to recognize the nature of mind. It will be most interesting how this experience settles out for you, what steps it leads you to, what pathways are sought by you and open in their own way for you…I think it will ripen you in terms of, not necessarily the need to, but simply the karmic ripeness to, begin to find and work with a teacher–someone more versed in these levels of perception and everything that is implied by them. Keep me posted.
It’s good that you are sitting, it helps to ground the nervous system and resettle the internal winds that were so energized by the hallucinogen.
I hold you in my heart and mind all the time.